Mike Pence, shown doing what he loves best: Using the Bible to accrue political power
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

Much of the past week has seen everyone from Kathy Griffin to the character of “Stephen Colbert” weighing in on Michelle Wolf’s solid set at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner, and specifically the Washington press corps’ absolutely pathetic response to it. But one person we hadn’t heard from yet? Vice President and sentient loaf of Wonderbread Mike Pence.

That’s finally changed, thanks to the noble efforts of Christian network CBN News (slogan: “First in Prayer, Last Among Fun People”), which conducted a lengthy interview with Donald Trump’s water-carrier this past week. As Vulture reports, The VP was asked his thoughts on Wolf’s joke about his pro-life politics, which went something like this: “Mike Pence is very anti-choice. He thinks abortion is murder, which, first of all, don’t knock it til you try it. And when you do try it, really knock it. You’ve got to get that baby out of there.”

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“Christians are really tired of the potshots taken at them,” the CBN reporter begins, though oddly not to then say maybe that’s pretty pitiful compared to the children who are really tired of the actual shots taken at them via guns, which CBN’s Christians apparently have no problem with. (There’s one of those awful potshots, again.) Instead, the reporter, just indignant at the thought of an elected official having to endure criticism in the form of a joke not even really directed at him, asks Pence if he’s sick of having to defend pro-life values.

“I’m pro-life and I don’t apologize for it,” Pence replies, making sure to hit all the talking points that don’t actually answer the question, including how Christian and pro-life Donald “I am very pro-choice” Trump is now, despite all the raw-dogging porn stars and calling other countries shitholes and whatnot. But eventually he gets around to the question: “You know it comes with the territory; as the Bible says, I count it all joy when I endure trials or criticisms.” He did not then recount any personal conversations with the Almighty, something it seems worth reminding everyone our Vice President genuinely believes happens, leading even devout Christian and ex-White House staffer Omarosa Manigault to point out he’s kinda nuts—“he thinks Jesus tells him to say things”—so maybe we should consider taking anything he says as the words of a delusional fanatic? Just a thought.

Oddly, CBN News failed to also ask Pence what he thought of Wolf’s other joke about him: “Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay.”

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