While most of the crimes take place on screen in Michael Bay’s Pain & Gain, it turns out there was a real crime that also happened off screen—and no, not the actual, horrible story of kidnapping, torture, murder, and dismemberment that make for a fun summer movie romp when you also put some cool cars and bikinis in it. This is a real-life crime that Michael Bay actually thinks about, as he explains to The Daily Beast:

We bought $75,000 worth of sex toys to stock the sex-toy warehouse. I could have filmed the crew coming in that day because they’d stop and see these things—anatomically correct vajayjays and this butt (everyone would touch the butt because it felt real)—and it was hysterical. We were going to return all the sex toys to get three-quarters of our money back, but they started disappearing. We were like, “Who is taking the sex toys?”


Indeed, who is taking the sex toys that Michael Bay was planning on returning to get three-quarters of his money back, which is a policy that sex stores have, apparently? Bay does not elaborate as to whether he has any leads on the theft whose value is roughly equal to the average U.S. household income—which he spent on stocking his film with only the most authentic of sex toys, to ensure only the most authentic of laughs—likely because he was still in hysterics over the idea of crew members seeing a butt and also the word “vajayjays.” And with Mark Wahlberg firmly anti-masturbation and James Franco not in the cast, this seems destined to remain an enduring mystery—one that could make for its own fun summer movie romp, if only those butts and vajayjays were actual dismembered body parts. [via Vulture]