Master of free parking. Harvester of hotels. You have won second prize in a beauty contest—sad but true. Go directly to darkness, imprisoning me. Buy Boardwalk, and nothing else matters. The jokes pretty much write themselves when it comes to the Metallica Monopoly game, which the band recently teased with the above photo on its website with the short and to-the-point message, “Next week!” As you can see, the box image features cartoon versions of the band members, though little else is known about what to expect from it—but given past band Monopoly editions like the one for The Beatles, it will likely involve collecting “property” in the form of Metallica records and other bits of arcana, while also answering trivia questions. And presumably the traditional trains and thimbles and such will be replaced with other metal you can actually put up your ass. Anyway, this exists.