Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Meet Bimpson, a true abomination of the COVID-19 internet

Illustration for article titled Meet Bimpson, a true abomination of the COVID-19 internet
Screenshot: YouTube (Fair Use)

Months of self-isolation is forcing many of us to find new, unusual hobbies we might never have considered were we not trapped in this seemingly never-ending pandemic purgatory. Some of you probably have gotten, like, super into making sourdough bread. Others may be simply catching up on all those books and TV binges they’ve accumulated over the years. And then there’s Dylan Woodley, who took up learning 3D computer animation and churned out this fucking abomination.

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Meet Bimpson, the cursed mascot of a truly fucked year. 

A horrifying amalgam of Peter Griffin and Kirby, Bimpson is something no human should ever be forced to envision, let alone see manifested on their computer screens. But here we are, goddamnit, gazing into this rotund, morose digital imp’s glazed, bespectacled eyes.

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Bimpson appears to have first burrowed its way into unsuspecting psyches via a Reddit post from u/JJRamone, who wrote “My friend told me he was learning 3D animation during quarantine. He finally finished and...this is what he sent me.”

Instead of disassociating with this “friend” completely before rubbing a strong magnet against their CPU to prevent this creature from seeing the light of day, they instead uploaded an image of Bimpson, followed by the video above which you are probably still processing as you read this.

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“I guess I’m really Bimpson,” croons the cleft-chinned horrorshow into a shoddy microphone, its sausage tube arms alternating between strumming a guitar and tinkling away on a CGI piano. It all culminates in a Lynchian reveal—Bimpson is singing his sad song of self-actualization song to an entire room of Bimpsons. He is Bimpson. They are Bimpson. We...we are Bimpson.

Clutch your loved ones close tonight, and God help us. Bimpson is legion.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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