Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

McDonald's to world: Sheesh, mortality, amirite?

Ronald McDonald and the Grim Reaper
Photo: Noam Galai / Contributor (Getty Images), picture alliance / Contributor (Getty Images)

Today, November 25, 2020, the social media team at McDonald’s decided it was a fine time to send folks into a little existential tailspin about mortality.

Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset. Swiftly fly the years. One season following another, laden with Happy Meals and tears.

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McDonald’s social media people, a request: Could you not? Please?

Do we need more Jakes in this world? Or do we need fewer brands trying to be our friends and/or reminding us about the fleeting and fragile nature of existence? Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last Happy Meal of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.

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If some overworked, underpaid, highly competent and probably undervalued social media person is indeed using the McDonald’s Twitter feed to work out some big feelings about [gestures everywhere], then we send that person our best and hope that they’ll eventually quit in very public fashion, preferably also on Twitter. But forgive us if we suspect otherwise.

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But maybe we’re looking at this all wrong. Maybe in These Troubled Times, with a holiday looming, there’s no better moment in which to be reminded of the preciousness of life, which can end at any moment. To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there’s the rub, for in this sleep of death what free toys with purchase may come.

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Would someone just please get the McDonald’s social team an edible, or a teddy bear, or a pint of ice cream, or maybe all three? We’re so tired. You know it’s been a rough year when even the brands have started doomscrolling.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!

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