In the ‘70s, McDonald’s introduced the Egg McMuffin, revolutionizing breakfast for lazy people everywhere. In the years since, the McDonald’s breakfast menu has expanded into a delicious wonderland of things that taste like eggs, things that look like sausage, and little packets of jelly. However, what makes the McDonald’s breakfast menu the most special isn’t its little sandwiches that you could easily make at home, it’s the fact that it comes with a time limit. If you don’t get your hungover ass out of bed on time, the little pictures of hashbrowns and burritos will roll over and become french fries and Quarter Pounders. It’s the same “absence makes the heart grow fonder” idea that tricks millions of people into eating a McRib every year.
Now, though, McDonald’s is going to put all of that at risk just so it can cater to the poorly conceived whims of every fool who has ever wished they could order an Egg McMuffin after breakfast time is over. According to Reuters, McDonald’s has announced that it will be rolling out an all-day breakfast menu nationwide on October 6, meaning you can now get that Egg McMuffin whenever you want it—making good on a promise/threat from earlier this year. This may seem exciting at first, but the opposite of “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is “I just ate McDonald’s breakfast for every meal today and now I’m going to throw up until I die.” It’s like the fast food breakfast equivalent of buying all 12 variant covers of an X-Men comic. Sure, you may really like Wolverine, but those comics will bring you nothing but pain and sorrow in the end. The same goes for McDonald’s breakfast, and offering it all day will only prove that it’s possible to have too much of a good thing.
So go ahead, America. Eat McGriddles until your stomach bursts with syrup-infused pancake things. Just try not to dwell on the fact that you can get McDonald’s breakfast whenever you want now, and every single bite will taste a little less special than the last.