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‘Sup, bro. You’re not some kind of narc, are you? Tight. So, word on the streets of Dayton, Ohio—okay, fine, Facebook—is that Limp Bizkit is going to play a secret show at the Sunoco on Wayne Avenue tomorrow night. Yeah, dude, off of Route 35 over by the playground where Spanky used to sell dime bags of dirt weed. Yeah, dude, we used to smoke so many blunts under the slide, that shit was tight.

Where’d I hear about it? On Twitter, dumbfuck. Did you even get your GED, bro? Doesn’t matter that there isn’t one of those blue checkmarks next to it, I don’t need some fucking poseur in San Francisco or whatever telling me about Limp. I know fucking Limp, dude, and those dudes love two things: Nookie and hot dog water. And tell me you can’t get both at the Sunoco at Wayne and Keowee, am I right player? Yeah, those gas station girls got lip rings and shit. Shit’s tight.

I don’t care what the cops are saying, dude. Fuck the police. I think it was Wes Borland that said that. [Coughs] You want a hit of this?

Whatever dude, we’ll just go see them at the GetGo in Pittsburgh then. We can take Krystal’s mom’s car, bitch’ll be too drunk to drive anyway. Fucking narcs.

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