Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Matthew McConaughey to make Wild Turkey cool again, just like he did for Lincoln

(Photo: Wild Turkey)
(Photo: Wild Turkey)

Thanks to a huge, inescapable ad campaign, Matthew McConaughey recently did the unthinkable and made Lincoln—America’s stuffiest, least-exciting car brand—cool again. (Or, you know, that was the idea.) Now, another venerated American brand has enlisted the help of Matthew McConaughey to give its product a much-needed injection of weird, space man energy, with classic bourbon brand Wild Turkey hiring him as its new “Creative Director.” According to a press release, McConaughey will be starring in “a series of TV and digital ad campaigns” that he will also direct, with the first one launching in September.

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Wild Turkey even made a short film with Matthew McConaughey about how he got involved with the company and what bourbon means to him and to America:

Unfortunately, that’s not quite as fun as getting to actually see one of McConaughey’s ads. So, let’s just go on an imagination journey and envision a Matthew McConaughey Wild Turkey commercial for ourselves:

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We fade in on a man, sitting on the porch of a house in the middle of a big field. The house is old, the man is older. He’s holding a glass containing some delicious Wild Turkey bourbon whisky. He’s alone, either by choice or because of the cruelty of fate, but he seems to be at peace. Crickets chirp in the background. The sun is slowly setting. Then Matthew McConaughey’s voice slides in, almost like a sip of delicious Wild Turkey bourbon whisky.

“America.” He says, drawing out the word as long as he can. “They say it’s a land of opportunity, but it’s more than that. It’s a land of history. A land of destiny.”

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Close-up shot of the old man. He looks familiar. Possibly because it’s Matthew McConaughey in old-age makeup. He slowly gets up from his chair, leaving the empty glass behind. His movements are methodical, as if each step is weighed down by a lifetime of experiences—both cherished memories and deeply held regrets. As he enters his darkened home, the scene changes almost imperceptibly. He’s no longer an old man, he’s young again. Also, he’s not in an old farmhouse, but a classy party.

He looks around, slightly bemused. Someone is softly playing jazz music in the background. People are wearing black ties and long, flowing dresses. He’s wearing a nice suit, but no tie, and the top of his shirt is unbuttoned so he looks stylish-yet-casual. He sees something at the back of the party and begins walking toward it with a definite purpose. What does he see? Someone he wants to talk to? Maybe a painting that reminds him of something he can’t quite remember and can’t quite forget? The camera doesn’t show us. It remains pointed toward his face.

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The jazz music slowly gets louder as McConaughey walks through the party. He nods at people with some significance to him. Maybe they’re his friends. Maybe they’re old lovers. Maybe they’re new lovers who just haven’t met him yet. He gets to the back of the room. There’s a bar. It’s shining like a weathered sun, well-loved but somehow still bright and new. The bartender, a young woman, looks at McConaughey. She smiles. Perhaps she recognizes him from his movies? If so, she’s cool about it. She doesn’t say a word.

“Wild Turkey.” He says, with a twinkle in his eye. It’s a simple order. In a way, it’s the only order. The only one that makes sense.

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The bartender slides him a glass. She must’ve poured it off-screen. Or maybe she had already poured it? Maybe she knew what he was going to order?

McConaughey picks up the glass and takes a sip of delicious Wild Turkey bourbon. He looks directly at the camera and smiles.

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“Alright…” He says, his voice trailing off at the end. He takes another sip and the Wild Turkey logo splashes across the screen. Then there’s an extremely loud heavy metal guitar riff. It’s totally sick.

The end.

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