Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Masturbate furiously in the privacy of your own cardboard box, courtesy of HBO
Screenshot: HBO (YouTube)

Finally, a solution for people who just want to jerk off in peace without having to find a quiet bathroom or closet to avoid offending their roommates/significant others/pets: Meet The HBO Box, a big black cardboard box with slots for your legs that you put over your body like a child with poor fort-developing skills.

It’s not TV. It’s a portable wank-box. And don’t try to argue otherwise. That dude in the video is watching Jude Law’s hot young Pope walk around in skimpy swimwear and you just know it’s getting him all horned-up. To be fair, HBO appears to have a good sense of self-awareness and humor about the box, which is allegedly designed to cancel outside (or inside?) noise—something that is clearly not true. The wank-box does come with breathing holes, in case your masturbatory kink involves pretending you’re a small domestic mammal who’s just been adopted from a shelter, but is also extremely horny. Or maybe you just find the aesthetic of a late ’90s/early ’00s PC tower exterior very arousing. Nerd.

Anyway, if you happen to be a college student, HBO is giving these cardboard jerk-it-boxes away for free:

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