It was almost exactly five years ago that this Bad Boys 3 shit just got real, prompting an ongoing ontological inquiry into the nature of shit’s reality ever since. In that time, some have taken the Platonic view that what we observe as the “reality” of Bad Boys 3 is merely shit smeared on a wall by Martin Lawrence—that were we to unchain ourselves and stand outside that cave of otherwise boring press junkets, we would see that shit is not real at all, that the real shit lies beyond what we’ve been led to believe every year or so. Still others subscribe to Martin Lawrence’s form of naïve shit realism, that because we perceive shit as real—or, as Lawrence said of Bad Boys 3 in 2010, “really real” and “real realistic”—therefore, shit got real. Obviously, debate over how we can truly know that shit got real rages on. But throughout, Lawrence has maintained that, regardless of epistemological interpretation, shit got real, shit is real, and shit remains real.

On last night’s Conan, Lawrence again offered testimony to shit and its unchanging realness in the face of yet more Socratic questioning. Asked again to prove that Bad Boys 3 is happening, Lawrence reiterated his faith, saying, “I believe so, yes. I spoke to Jerry Bruckheimer yesterday and he said it’s real.” This makes for two independent observers, albeit secondhand, attesting to shit’s realness, which for many may satisfy any lingering doubts—though there are doubtless many more who will not believe shit is real until Sony or Will Smith also says it is.


Until then, Martin Lawrence will continue to postulate that shit is real, that it is nearing the completion of this script that just got real in December, and that it will once more reunite the rule-breaking cops, at a time when that shit is way too real right now.