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Mark Wahlberg to save Hollywood by making more Transformers movies

After the terrorist threats that forced Sony to cancel the release of The Interview, Hollywood could use something to pick its spirits back up. Something crowd-pleasing, but with a strong enough edge of prestige that even movie snobs can get on board with it. Something that the entire movie-loving community can get behind so Hollywood can win back some of its glory. Luckily, Mark Wahlberg knows just the thing to get Hollywood out of this slump: another Transformers movie starring none other than Mark “Marky Mark” Wahlberg.

Yes, like a robot that can transform into a semi-truck riding into battle on top of a dinosaur that can turn into a robot, Mark Wahlberg is here to rally everyone together in support of a fifth Transformers movie by heroically declaring: “Yeah, I committed to doing a couple more. You know I can’t speak for Mr. Bay, but something tells me we’ll be on the set soon.” That comes from MTV, and doesn’t it just get you pumped? Haven’t you totally forgotten about The Interview by now? Seriously, nothing gets us more excited for a movie—sorry, a film—than its star mentioning that he’s contractually obligated to be in it. This is going to be great.


So there will be more Transformers sequels—which is good, since it’s the most iconic franchise in movie history—and Mark Wahlberg’s Cade Yeager (yes, that’s a real name used by a character in a highly successful movie) will be back, so now we just need to find out if Michael Bay will return. An interview back in August suggested that he’s ready to pass the Autobot Matrix Of Leadership on to a new director, but it’s not like any hack can fill his enormous transforming shoes. These movies are simply too important—not just to Hollywood and America, but to the entire world—for Michael Bay to ever stop making them. Transformers 5: Age Of Wahlberg is penciled in for a 2016 release, so hopefully things will start getting back to normal now.

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