Marky Mark has a funky bunch… of assault charges on his record! And now he would like them taken off his record, if it’s not too much trouble. The Tranformers: Age Of Extinction star has many youthful indiscretions he’d like to forget: a cocaine problem at age 13, two separate incidents of harassing African-American kids by throwing rocks and shouting racial slurs, that Planet Of The Apes remake, and many run-ins with the Boston police.

But most youthfully indiscreet of all was a 1988 incident in which a 16-year-old Wahlberg attacked a Vietnamese man while trying to steal booze from a convenience store, hitting him with a wooden stick and knocking him unconscious. Later that day, he attacked another man, also Vietnamese, hitting him so hard it left him blind in one eye, while calling him “gook” and “slant eye.” The police caught up to Wahlberg, who served only 45 days of a 2-year prison sentence.


Now, decades later, having risen from petty thug to underwear model, back down to white rapper, up again to actor, and up further still to Academy Award nominee, Wahlberg is petitioning to have his wrist un-slapped, saying he has worked to become a better person, he’s used his fame to raise money for charity, and The Happening seemed good on the page.

For that to happen, the Massachusetts Parole Board will have to review his case and acknowledge that Wahlberg is, in fact, rich and famous and can do what he pleases. Then Governor-elect Charlie Baker would have to follow up with an official pardon. Let’s just hope the governor liked Max Payne.