Fulfilling a prophecy carved in stone by Sumerians millennia ago, Saved By The Bell star turned “former Saved By The Bell star” Mario Lopez has been handed his own VH1 reality show, which will follow the Extra and America’s Best Dance Crew host as he balances his considerable "workload" with the arrival of his firstborn, whom he will then coach through its first series of abdominal crunches. So it is written, so it shall be done—and so it is that we have “watched Mario go from a kid in a fictional high school to a man who has succeeded in many different facets in the TV business,” according to a statement from VHI executive vice-president Jeff Olde, who apparently counts appearing shirtless in both soap operas and on showbiz journalism shows as examples of being multifaceted.

The ironically named Olde also says the new program (which may as well be called We’re Officially Bored With You, Scott Baio) speaks to the Now Generation or whatever, since “Mario’s upcoming life changes reflect the same family milestones that many of our viewers are experiencing for the first time.” You know, those milestones we all go through, like dumping your first wife and breaking up another woman’s engagement, then asking her to get liposuction and a breast job so she’s acceptably attractive enough to knock her up out of wedlock (allegedly!), then exploiting it for a reality show. Just those kinds of universal family things.