Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Mariah Carey and Marilyn Manson, together at last

Illustration for article titled Mariah Carey and Marilyn Manson, together at last
Photo: Mariah Carey (Getty Images); Marilyn Manson (Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Like seasonal romantic comedies love to remind us—opposites can attract in the most unlikely ways. One minute, two hapless strangers find themselves sitting next to each other on a delayed flight during the holidays, hating each other’s zany seat-mate quirks, and 90 minutes later they’re making-out on a snowy tarmac, baggage terminal conveyor belt, or somewhere equally adorable.

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So...uh...ever wonder what the auditory equivalent of a Christmas rom-com would sound like? No? Well, ‘tis the season for holiday surprises, right?

Yep. Here’s “All I Want For Christmas Is The Beautiful People” by “Mariah Manson,” courtesy of Bill McClintock, who’s been churning out weird, surprisingly catchy mashups for a few years now.

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This year coincidentally marks the 25th anniversary of Mariah Carey’s holiday insta-classic, “All I Want for Christmas is You,” but you’d be forgiven for thinking it was celebrating some kind of major anniversary every damn year, since Carey’s octave-defying crooning generally starts showing up in department store speakers and holiday work parties around mid-November.

2019 is also the 23rd anniversary of Marilyn Manson’s “The Beautiful People,” also one of his most recognizable, speaker-thundering songs. While there’s not exactly anything particularly notable about that milestone, it’s still arguably one of the most anti-All I Want For Christmas” tunes ever. Nothing says, “Screw you, Mom and Dad, I don’t wanna go to Grandma’s house to celebrate your corny, capitalist holiday cheer” like Marilyn Manson, right? But combine both songs, and it works a Christmas miracle. Which, of course, only means one thing...

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Netflix, we’re begging you: A Very Marilyn and Mariah Christmas Special for the 2020 holiday season.

Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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