“The Robbie’d that smiles, steals something from the thief.”
Photo: James D. Morgan (Getty Images)

Hamlet, Act Five, Scene One, in media res:

Thy Audio-Visual Club: Let me see. [Takes the skull of a Deadline story.] Alas, poor Margot! We knew her well, readers, a woman of infinite jest, of a most excellent Oscar nomination for her work in I, Tonya. She hath borne us on her back a thousand times, even making yon Suicide Squad more tolerable, despite how abhorred in our imagination is it! Here now hangs a story about an actor whose works we have written about we know not how oft, and usually with much snark. But behold, this new project—a 10-part series retelling the works of Shakespeare from a female perspective—sounds not half bad! Where be your gibes now, scribe? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now to mock your own grinning? Quite chapfallen? Now get you to my lady Robbie’s chamber and tell her, let her produce the episodes with filming to begin in Australia in 2018, to this project we are very much on board. Make her laugh at that.

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Entr’acte

Thy A.V. Club: ’Swounds, show me what thou’lt do, o women-led creative team producing the standalone installments, each one “based on a celebrated work of Shakespeare updated to comment on our modern, global society.” Will you weep? Will you fight? Will you fast? Will you tear thyself? Woo’t drink up eisel, eat a crocodile? I’ll do ’t, if it means getting to see this series. Dost thou come here to whine, To outface me with leaping in her grave? Or to ’gree with the production company Luckychap, which released a statement saying, “The project will share diverse points of view, from writers representing the different cultures and areas within Australia, which many would not readily associate with works of Shakespeare”? Do not be buried quick with her until this project comes to fruition.

Alas, none have yet said if this as-yet-untitled series shall be coming to American television as well. And if thou prate of that Robin Hood-derived film Robbie’s reportedly starring in then let them throw millions of copies of Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves on us, till our ground, singeing his pate against the burning zone, make Ossa like a wart! See? We’ll rant as well as thou with zingers that make no sense to most modern audiences.

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Fin.