Hopefully those reading this have a strong stomach, or at least are able to overcome their squeamishness to appreciate one of man’s greatest endeavors. At a recent Twinkie eating contest held at Bally’s Casino in Tunica, MS, Matt Stonie defied the laws of God and Man when he was able to consume 120 Twinkies in just six minutes. For those slow to the math, that’s 20 Twinkies per minute or one every three seconds. That’s a lot of Twinkies. They said it couldn’t be done, it wouldn’t be done, and, most importantly, it shouldn’t be done. But, like a glucose-starved John Locke from Lost, there’s nothing that pushes a competitive eater like Stonie than simple medical advice and common sense telling him what he can’t do.
Stonie ate 35 more Twinkies than his closest competitor, hot dog all-star Joey Chestnut, and managed to not immediately collapse into a diabetic coma, a feat certainly worth celebrating. He may not deserve praise, but dammit he deserves respect. All hail the conquering hero, and let’s really watch his blood sugar levels closely, people.