Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Look at these dorky bike cops
Screenshot: The Miami Bike Scene (YouTube)

Now is not the time to try to make cops look cool. This is especially true when it comes to bike cops, who even at the best of times look like absolute dorks while cruising around cities in their spandex and sunglasses. Still, the Miami Police Department, in a baffling attempt to show off the crack squad of cyclists that make up its Bike Response Team (BRT), has decided it would like us all to see exactly what kind of doofuses it deploys to public gatherings.

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The above clip was tweeted by South Florida’s NBC 6. In an apparent attempt to demonstrate how tough and disciplined the BRT really is, viewers are shown the officers who form Miami PD’s “elite of the elite.” Watch as they move forward on their bikes like a dweeby Roman phalanx, shouting “Move back!” in unison. Wipe away the tears of pride swelling at the sight of these heroes to see them dismount in front of the camera, one of them getting his foot caught while swinging it over the bike frame. It’s inspiring stuff—exactly what everyone needs in order to have their faith restored in the competency of police departments the world over.

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Somehow, despite how beautifully executed it is, the video isn’t having the kind of effect Miami PD would probably like.

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The video’s enduring image, as @multipoodinous tweeted, is a cop—a cop who carries a gun—fucking up the first bike trick that little kids learn after steering without using their hands.

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This is powerful stuff! We expect protests to stop immediately now, the country responding to this display of strength and discipline with sober reverence for the police’s authority. Just in case you’re looking for some more material to really hammer that feeling home, we’ve also found a Miami biking channel’s video from late January that’s well worth watching. Turn up the volume on the toughest royalty-free music you’ve ever heard and sit back in relaxation, knowing that Miami is watched over by this exceptional group of police.

Looking for ways to advocate for black lives? Check out this list of resources by our sister site Lifehacker for ways to get involved

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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