Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Lizzo has a test to find out exactly what percent that bitch you are
Photo: Dia Dipasupil (Getty Images)

Lizzo has given us what has already become one of the greatest opening lyrics of all time: “I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch.” That line is, of course, from the righteously beloved performer’s hit single “Truth Hurts,” and it is so many things: Empowering, conveying a sense of self-aware (but not deprecating!) humor about one’s own confidence, and thought-provoking in its simplicity. To wit: You might ask yourself, “How do I know what percent that bitch I am?” And “Is there a test that might determine such a percentage?” Unfortunately, 23andMe has yet to develop the technology for that specific test in their basic DNA kit, which so far only has the capability to answer questions like “Will I get diabetes?” and “Just how white am I, really?”

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But thankfully, as she’s proven time and again, Lizzo is ahead of the curve. She’s teamed up with Spotify to release a test that will help you determine what percent that bitch you are. I should warn you, however, that the results may be shocking if you’ve grown accustomed to shouting the opening line of that banger anthem on the regular: I am, sadly, only 43 percent that bitch. There is good news for everyone, regardless of their that bitch percentage: Lizzo and Spotify also created a special “THAT BITCH” playlist that becomes available once you receive your test results. Honestly, they should do this for every banal test we have to take. Imagine receiving a curated playlist from Lizzo after you get tested for herpes or have to sit through that stupid air puff test to (allegedly) determine if you have glaucoma. What a world.

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