Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Lindsay Lohan will now call you “grool” for the low, low price of $250

Illustration for article titled Lindsay Lohan will now call you “grool” for the low, low price of $250
Screenshot: YouTube

“Hi, everyone. I’m Linday Lohan, and I’m so excited to be on Cameo and connect with you all. [kiss sound.]”

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For those unfamiliar with the concept and thus very confused about how and when you can get Lindsay Lohan to say you’re “grool” or “look sexy with your hair pushed back” or just to have her confirm that butter is a carb, Cameo is a service that allows we, the unwashed masses, to request personalized messages from a wide range of people, who are all varying degrees of famous. Through Cameo, you can request that Parks And Rec’s Jim O’Heir pretend to have a fart attack, watch Kathy Najimy do that thing where she talks out of the side of her mouth as she does in Hocus Pocus, ask Sherilyn Fenn to tell you her thoughts on what happened to Audrey in Twin Peaks: The Return, hear Kevin Conroy’s Batman voice, have To Catch A Predator’s Chris Matthews insinuate you’re a pedophile, or see Doug Jones do whatever the hell he wants, because he’s Doug Goddamn Jones. The list goes on, and on, and on.

Well, now Lindsay Lohan has joined their ranks. As of January of this year, the Mean Girls star was splitting her time between Oman and Australia, where she serves as a judge on the Aussie version of The Masked Singer (the things you learn!), so if you’ve spent your life hoping you could hear Lohan say that she’s felt personally victimized by Regina George to you specifically, Cameo is definitely your best chance.

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Or perhaps you want to gift a Cameo in which Lohan breaks apart a plastic tiara to a friend for their birthday? This writer was once gifted a Cameo of Willam from RuPaul’s Drag Race chatting about how much money the video was essentially flushing down the toilet and it was hilarious and perfect. So if you’ve got someone in your life that’s extra hard to shop for but really loves the 2004 single “Rumors,”you’re in luck.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!

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