Like the cursed seamen doomed to sail forever aboard the Flying Dutchman, the nu-metal cruise ShipRocked is preparing to send the blighted spooge of late-’90s radio on several interminable days of ocean voyage. The floating festival finds Limp Bizkit captaining a crew of likeminded drifters, headlining over four days and nights of “gnarlatious activities,” as the powerful winds of inertia blow through the massive sails of JNCO jeans. And no one is dreading being trapped on a boat, listening to Limp Bizkit with a bunch of Limp Bizkit fans, more than Limp Bizkit’s Wes Borland.
Putting in his bluest spooky contacts and drawing on his frowniest makeup, the band’s guitarist took to Instagram to preview his upcoming trip, where he’ll be shoulder to disco-ball-encrusted-shoulder with the sort of people who like him—as well as fellow performers Chevelle, Sevendust, Buckcherry, P.O.D., Filter, and so on. For Borland, it will be like sailing the River Styx, as the souls who committed the sin of listening to angry butt-rock tear at each other, faces from his past recognizable in the mire:
Getting all packed up this week for Broatchella 2015. It’s the same as Brochella but it’s off land. Can’t wait to see me some roided out tribal tattooed spray tanned Jell-O shot filled bohunks do their best drunk MMA impressions in the top deck mosh pit. Whenever we aren’t on stage, I’ll be curled up fetal position in my cabin, palms up, while I desperately cling to the last week of my thirties as it slips through my hooked fingers. So, I’d like to give a shout out now to all the other over-the-hill late nineties/early 2000s bands going on the cruise: Let’s give these people the raging alcohol fueled nostalgia fest they’re paying for guys! I know we can do it if we tune down low enough!
Of course, Borland has a long history of self-loathing, frequently expressing his desire to leave Limp Bizkit—and doing so several times—and, in his most masochistic moments, playing in Limp Bizkit. But this time he’s also subjecting himself to the ShipRocked itinerary of “brutal drinking games,” a “drunk spelling bee,” “drunk superhero” cosplay, and a “People Of Walmart” theme night, which encourages everyone to “dig those jorts out of the back of your closet” for a party that adds “some booze to this trash bash.” And this is all just a bit undignified for the man who dresses up like a cyberpunk mime at an Eyes Wide Shut orgy, then monkey-hops behind an assistant manager at Lids who’s yelling about cookies.
ShipRocked sets sail on February 2, with Wes Borland presumably lashed to the mast.
[via Metal Injection]