In keeping with a recent development slate of remakes that correct the errors of their originals, Lifetime has followed its announcement of a Steel Magnolias that will at last get rid of all those ghostly white people by working up a new version of The Blue Lagoon, one that will replace the nubile, nearly naked Brooke Shields with a girl blessedly restricted by the standards governing basic-cable nudity. The 1980 romance-adventure tale, about how fucking your cousin is totally beautiful and natural if you’re marooned on a desert island, has been told a few times before, beginning with two prior film adaptations in 1923 and 1949, and continuing with a sequel, Return To The Blue Lagoon, in which the son of the first castaways discovers that history often cruelly repeats itself, but as consolation you get to have sex with a teenaged Milla Jovovich. Of course, the Lifetime version seems unlikely to launch the career of whatever young girl stars in it this time, for obvious reasons.

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