It is the 1980s. Generally speaking, you are probably interested in Michael Jackson, the Royal Wedding, and having large hair. When you hear a synthesizer and a drum machine, you think, “That is the sound of contemporary music,” and when you see a cellphone, you think, “That is a futuristic device that I may never own, and certainly not a thing that will ever fit in my pocket.”
And when you see a snowboarder? You think: Fuck that guy.
“They cause nothing but problems!” begins this news segment from 1985, during which snowboards are referred to as both a “skateboard” and “a missile” and snowboarders are called, with the utmost condemnation, “smart alecks.” The video has been around for awhile, but recently resurfaced on Reddit, where its specifics are being debated—where in Canada was it filmed, for example? (Sources say: Vancouver.) Regardless, the militancy with which they disdain these possibly drinking, reckless youths, careening down the hill in their brake-less missiles, is charmingly quaint—unless, of course, you are still one of those militant anti-snowboarding partisans, in which event you are ruing your faction’s inability over the decades to stave off these goddamn teens and their snow-bound skateboards.