We don’t offer very many business proposals here at The A.V. Club, but that’s probably because we’re all fabulously wealthy already. How else could we afford all of those terrible snacks and convince cool bands to hang out with us every week? It’s simple: We’re crazy rich. But, with a little bit of your help, we could all get even richer and even crazier. All we need is enough money to buy the distribution rights for the James Bond franchise.
As reported by Variety, Sony Pictures’ deal with MGM will end after the upcoming release of Spectre, meaning there’s going to be a huge bidding war over which studio gets to distribute any Bond movies after that. But who says it has to be a studio? Just because we’re a website and you’re someone reading a website doesn’t mean that we can’t raise the necessary funds to do this. Sure, it’ll probably cost millions of dollars, but we’ll all easily make our money back. Variety notes that Skyfall made more than $1 billion worldwide, and if our Bond movie is equally successful, we could each be making a small percentage of a billion dollars. Doesn’t that sound good?
Listen, you don’t have to answer yet. There’s no pressure, we just wanted to put the offer out there. Talk it over with your family, figure out how much money you’re willing to chip in, double it, and then send that amount directly to us. We’ll even put it in a big jar that says “James Bond Distribution Rights” so it stays safe. Once the bidding actually starts, we’ll crack it open and see how it goes. Oh, and on the off chance that we can’t put together the highest bid, we can’t be held responsible for making sure everyone gets their money back. Just keep that in mind.