Photo: Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

Last week’s episode of The A.V. Club Hosted By John Teti was all about food trends. What are food trends, and what makes some foods trendier than others? Why can’t, say, oatmeal be trendy? Well first off, it is, and secondly, what I’ve learned by making this episode, is that food trends, like their fashion brethren, come and go by the will of the tides. That’s right! It’s the moon cycles that determined why we’re all eating purple food right now. Come another major eclipse you’re going to be embarrassed by all those turmeric shots you’ve been downing. But then again, you probably won’t! You’ll be a toxin-free individual by that point and won’t register regret as an emotion. I congratulate you.

I am not a trendy eater myself. This is evidenced by all the food I have eaten so far today. For breakfast I had a Clif Bar (in Chocolate Brownie flavor) and some coconut water (electrolytes!). For lunch I had an Amy’s Frozen Lasagna and a strawberry-lemonade popsicle then another strawberry-lemonade popsicle. So when investigating what foods were on trend, I turned to my most trusted group text and asked them what the cool kids were eating. (Note: These young folks live in New York City so you can trust these picks are the freshest, most exciting, and most exhilarating foods you’ll find anywhere.)

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The responses I got:

  • matcha
  • soft serve
  • grain bowls
  • poke

I performed exactly zero research on all four, and am delivering to you now my in-depth explanations of each.

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Matcha

It’s green! And like, is tea pretty much right? You can drink it and it’s also the flavor of stuff that isn’t tea. It seems like it might be pretty chalky in texture, which is an assumption I am basing off of purely nothing.

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Soft serve

YUM! Very glad this one is back. It’s ice cream, but easier to eat. I’ve been seeing a lot of matcha soft serve on Instagram, so if you want to be immortal, get that good stuff.

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Grain bowls

You get these at Sweetgreen and the like. It’s like salad, only much better because there’s less lettuce and more carbs. Said grains can include quinoa, red quinoa, farro, barley, and for sure some others. Grain bowls also often include potatoes and other unhealthy things not commonly featured in salads, so I am very much on board with this trend. Get to your local bowl-ery and get one now!

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Poke

This one is a lot of fun. Poke is Hawaiian style raw cubed fish, tuna, salmon, etc. but at some places you can get a tofu version, so vegetarians out there, don’t fret. In my experience poke is served over rice, with some cucumbers, avocado, and pickled veggies—basically you’re looking at sushi in a bowl. It’s pretty to look at, too, which is usually something I don’t care about, but poke looks like a rainbow and I’ve been a fan of those for quite some time.

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Great! Do we all feel up to trend now? If not, be sure to check out the episode for even more food fun with our first and last-ever cole slaw “Slaw-off,” an interview with comedian Trae Crowder, and a trip to Datassential, Chicago’s very own food-trend trackers.