After two seasons of providing the guy-with-industry-experience-and-glasses vote that prevents televised singing competitions from being an absolute farce, L.A. Reid has decided not to return to The X Factor for season three, telling The Hollywood Reporter that this year will be his last. L.A. will instead return to focus on his job as Epic Records chairman, as well as the continued construction on the freeway system that has left him so frustratingly clogged. "It's times like these that I am thankful I have a diverse topography that includes beaches, wetlands, and mountains," L.A. said in a statement, because his name is L.A., like Los Angeles. In response to L.A.'s retirement, scores of rioting X Factor fans turned him upside down and began looting him. Anyway, L.A.'s departure leaves Simon Cowell to find someone who can add relative gravitas to his current consortium of Britney Spears, Demi Lovato, Khloe Kardashian, and Mario Lopez. So keep your phones on, well-trained corgis. And get some glasses.