Finally, a legitimate reason to pre-order a comedy record: Kurt Braunohler’s new How Do I Land? isn’t out until Aug. 20, but the comedian is offering a number of amazing incentives to advance purchasers, including “a beautiful 10” double dong that will be engraved with a personalized message” from Braunohler. The double-headed dildo is made of hand blown (Ha. "Blown.") Pyrex, because Braunohler’s fans are nothing if not discriminating consumers of artisanal sex toys. Interested parties should act now, though, because in order for each item to be personalized, all orders must be submitted by Aug. 1.

Other incentives available for purchase include a rally towel with Braunohler’s wet mug plastered on it and a t-shirt emblazoned with the phrase “Nothin’ But Net!”