Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Krispy Kreme celebrates America’s recovering health by giving out free donuts every day through 2021

Illustration for article titled Krispy Kreme celebrates America’s recovering health by giving out free donuts every day through 2021
Screenshot: The Simpsons

As of writing this, around one-quarter of U.S. citizens have received at least one dose of a COVID-19 vaccine, and nearly 14% of Americans are fully inoculated. It’s been a long, hard year, but the recent weeks’ vaccine rollout shows we are certainly approaching the pandemic’s conclusion. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us, though, and the quicker everyone receives their vaccines, the better… so what better way to promote public health than by offering a nearly unlimited supply of free, sugar-encrusted, deep-fried hunks of bread?

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Starting this week, Krispy Kremes across the country will offer one free glazed donut per day to anyone who shows up at a location with their fully completed COVID-19 Vaccination Record Card. That’s the actual card, mind you—photos of your cards and “I Got Vaxxed!” stickers don’t cut it. Krispy Kreme has standards, after all.

For the lucky among us with both of their shots (or those extra lucky jerks who managed to nab one of those single-dose Johnson & Johnson vaccines), there are potentially 285 free donuts in their near future. For the rest of you: it’s past time to call your local representatives and demand they expand those vaccine eligibility criteria ASAP.

Or, if we are to read Krispy Kreme’s fine print correctly, you could also do your best anti-vaxx, QAnon truther impersonation every Monday through the end of May: “We understand that choosing to receive the COVID-19 vaccine is a highly personal decision,” reads one of the site’s FAQ responses. “If you have made the personal decision to not receive the COVID vaccine, please visit us on Mondays, 3/29/21 – 5/24/21, to receive a free Original Glazed® doughnut and a medium brewed coffee to get your week off to a good start.”

On the one hand, we don’t approve of entertaining wild, inaccurate conspiracy theories pertaining to a very real pandemic. On the other hand, a coffee would really complement that free donut.

[via CBS]

Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).