Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Korn wrote a song from a drug’s point of view—iThe A.V. Club/i wrote some sequels

Inspiration takes many forms. For the band Korn, those forms are often the myriad cruelties humans to themselves and others, leading to a discography that’s rife with exorcised personal demons. At the peak of the band’s popularity, its harrowing musical chronicles of child abuse, bullying, and all-day sex dreams resonated with alienated youth who needed something to cling onto after in those awkward, post-grunge years.

In 2016, however, Korn’s muse leads the band down a much sillier path. It’s a hopscotch court leading off a cliff and straight into “Take Me,” a single described via press release as follows:

“Take Me”—Korn’s newest track—is about beating addiction but from the point of view of the substance


Like a glass full of ice in the hand of a poorly tipped bartender, that synopsis dilutes the concept of “Take Me”; a quote on the song’s Genius page attributed to Korn frontman Jonathan Davis describes the ups and downs of the sobriety he’s maintained for 18 years. But at the risk of sounding glib, The A.V. Clubno stranger to inspiration’s siren song—felt stirred to creativity by “Take Me” lyrics like “You bumped into me / I was down and you took me up past the ceiling / You are the disease / I’m the remedy that numbs all your feelings.” As soon as we finished working the title of “Take Me” into the lyrics of a Nirvana favorite, we got right to work drafting up press-release copy for our own takes on the “Take Me” formula. For example:

“Quake Me” is the earth-shattering new single sung from the perspective of the San Andreas Fault.

“Slake Me” is a song about a really thirsty guy sung from the perspective of a glass of water.

Don’t forget “Wake Me,” detailing the struggles of an insomniac from the perspective of the dark, lonely night.

“Sake Me” is pronounced differently because it’s actually from the perspective of a sake bomb.

“Flake Me”: A love ballad from an ear of corn to Kellogg’s

“Bake Me”—“Weird Al” Yankovic’s new parody of Korn’s newest track—is about being baked but from the point of view of the cake.

“Fake Me” is a song to raise awareness of autograph forgeries told from the perspective of a signed 8 x 10 glossy photo of William Shatner.

“Brake Me”—a lost Beach Boys composition—is a song written from the perspective of a car slowly rolling backward down a hill.

“Un-break Me” is a song written from the perspective of Toni Braxton’s heart.

“Stake Me”—Peter Murphy’s new follow-up to the Bauhaus classic “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”—is a song sung from the perspective of Dracula’s chest

“Take Me”—a new variation on an old Eddie Money favorite—is a behind-the-scenes story about a piece of paper waiting for Eddie Money to write “Home Tonight” on it.

“Rake Me” is a song from the point of view of my lawn.

“Shake Me” is just about a lonely hand.

That’s 13 tracks, enough for an LP of songs about objects that would be inanimate if not for the burning desire to sing. But surely we haven’t exhausted the reserves of words that rhyme with “Take.” Follow The A.V. Club’s example and come up with your own—it’s a great way of killing 20 minutes of the work day. (Oh! “Break Me”: It’s the song about 20 minutes during the workday that are getting killed!)

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