Variety reports that zaftig walking punchline Kirstie Alley is close to signing a deal to star in her own reality show for A&E. According to the venerable trade rag, the meaty thesp's show will follow her heroic attempts to provide clean water and life-saving medical supplies to impoverished communities in the third world.

Just kidding! The show will actually chronicle, for our edification and amusement, Alley's efforts to lose weight while raising two teenagers. Will this upcoming masterpiece of the television arts restore dignity and substance to the vast wasteland that is reality television? We remain, as always, cautiously optimistic.