Photo: Theo Wargo / Getty Images

The twin cults of celebrity worship and willful ignorance reach their apotheosis in the figure of one Robert James Ritchie, a.k.a. Kid Rock, a.k.a. the future President of the United States of America if we really are on the darkest timeline like Dan Harmon says. The Larry the Cable Guy of butt rock is one of a handful of celebrities to throw their hats into the political ring (seriously, stop encouraging them) in recent months, and like the red-blooded, beer bloated all-American patriot that he is, Rock fully admits that he’s in this for the money. And to register voters. And to spite liberals. But mostly for the money.

As Stereogum reports, Rock released a statement on his website saying that he’s been inspired by “community leaders, D.C. pundits, and blue-collar folks that are just simply tired of the extreme left and right bullshit“ to peddle his own brand of bullshit after Trump’s election emboldened him to announce a potential Senate run in February. That whole Senate thing is still TBD, but in the meantime Rock is setting up a nonprofit dedicated to getting people who take political cues from Kid Rock registered to vote, fake news about him only doing this to sell shirts be damned.

Advertisement

That’s not to say this isn’t a ploy to sell shirts. It absolutely is— “I have no problem selling Kid Rock shirts and yes, I absolutely will use this media circus to sell/promote whatever I damn well please,” he writes—but it’s not just about that. It’s about the right to use folksy aphorisms like “shattin’ in their pantaloons” to appeal to dumbasses who wear Confederate flag bandannas even though they live hundreds of miles north of the Mason-Dixon line. Not that the Confederate flag is any less of a hate symbol further south, but the Michigan thing is especially dumb. Anyway, Rock’s full statement is below.

When my name was thrown out there for US Senate I decided to launch kidrockforsenate.com. I was beyond overwhelmed with the response I received from community leaders, D.C. pundits, and blue-collar folks that are just simply tired of the extreme left and right bullshit. As part of the excitement surrounding this possible campaign, I decided to take a hard look to see if there was real support for me as a candidate and my message or if it was just because it was a fresh new news story. The one thing I’ve seen over and over is that although people are unhappy with the government, too few are even registered to vote or do anything about it. We have over a year left until an actual election, so my first order of business is to get people engaged and registered to vote while continuing to put out my ideas on ways to help working class people in Michigan and America all while still calling out these jackass lawyers who call themselves politicians.

During this time while exploring my candidacy for US Senate, I am creating a 501(c)(4) – a non-profit organization for the promotion of voter registration. Not only can I raise money for this critical cause, but I can help get people registered to vote at my shows. Since the announcement, the media has speculated this was a ploy to sell shirts or promote something. I can tell you, I have no problem selling Kid Rock shirts and yes, I absolutely will use this media circus to sell/promote whatever I damn well please (many other politicians are doing the same thing, they just feed you a bunch of bullshit about it). But either way, money raised at this time through the sale of merchandise associated with this very possible campaign will go towards our ‘register to vote’ efforts.

One thing is for sure though…The democrats are ‘shattin’ in their pantaloons’ right now…and rightfully so!

We will be scheduling a press conference in the next 6 weeks or so to address this issue amongst others, and if I decide to throw my hat in the ring for US Senate, believe me… it’s game on mthrfkers. — Kid Rock

Advertisement