Sure, MasterClass can give aspiring actors access to intimate lessons by Oscar winner Dustin Hoffman, who draws upon his decades of experience in the theater and on film as he imparts the very soul of his craft. But only Funny Or Die’s new web series, The Actor On Acting, can grant wannabe thespians access to a Hollywood veteran whose very name has become synonymous with ubiquity: Kevin Bacon. Playing what one only hopes is a grotesquely exaggerated version of himself, Bacon appears vain, shallow, and hopelessly dim throughout these mini-lessons, as he attempts to mold his eager, naive young pupils into the Kevin Bacons of tomorrow while stroking his own ego at every possible opportunity.
After bragging that he “studied with Professor Nobody,” Kevin Bacon tells his pupils that acting is mainly about making the proper selections in hair products and fashion accessories, particularly scarves. Jewelry matters, too. “Always more rings than fingers,” says Bacon, who points out that Johnny Depp wouldn’t be caught dead without at least 15 necklaces. When it comes time to actually run some lines, Bacon invariably chooses movies that he appeared in, such as A Few Good Men and Mystic River. He seems to have a shaky grasp on the content of the former, however, mis-remembering a classic line as “You can’t handle it, Ruth!” But that doesn’t matter, because that was some other actor’s line anyway. “When you get a script, don’t learn every single line,” Bacon advises. “Just learn the lines that your character says. You’re welcome.”