Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Justin Bieber didn’t piss himself—he just wet his “dick area”

Screenshot: Twitter

Power-mad boy prince Justin Bieber did not win any of the Grammys for which he was nominated this year, but he is still out there having a good time, wearing baggy sweats and white denim and not giving a shit if it looks like he pissed himself. Yesterday TMZ posted a video of the little fella sauntering into what appears to be a gunmetal death jeep. Many noticed that his sweatpants appeared to have been wetted in a manner that would suggest him pissing himself.

While Bieber was unwilling to answer TMZ’s pressing questions about The Weeknd’s relationship with his ex Selena Gomez, he did take to Twitter to weigh in on the pants-pissing matter with a typically tasteful Billy Madison meme:


He also offered an elaborate textual explanation for the situation:


This is a remarkable tweet for a lot of reasons, the least of which is what exactly “made ya laugh nice” means. In the TMZ video, he is clearly walking from a building to his car, sans flowers, meaning that the supposed accident would have occurred during some previous car trip and still not dried, all of which is unlikely, or at least meriting further investigation. The most pressing issue, however, is the phrase “dick area,” a wonderful neologism that seems to be expressing tact and crudeness simultaneously, and also implies that he does not know the word “crotch” exists. It is almost as if to say that Justin Bieber views most of his body in relationship to his dick, with his crotch a “dick area” and his back a “dorsal dick area” and finally his head his “talking dick area.” Bieber does not tweet much, but when he does it is a fascinating portal into his mind—or, as he might call it, his “thinking dick area.”

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