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Josh Brolin's butthole is sunburned and he's not happy about it

The face of a man whose butthole is sunburned.
Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin (Getty Images)

Josh Brolin’s taint is on fire.

Look, none of us are happy to report this news, least of all Brolin, from the sound of things. In an Instagram post this past weekend, Thanos confessed he tried one of the newest dumbass “wellness” trends making the rounds onlineperineum sunningwhich involves spread-eagling in the sun in hopes of tanning your undercarriage.

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“My pucker hole is crazy burned,” wrote the Academy Award-nominated star of Milk, No Country for Old Men, and Inherent Vice. “...I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain,” he continued, in case your own mental image of Josh Brolin with first-degree burns on his ass is still somewhat hazy.

Brolin appears to have gotten the idea from someone named Metaphysical Meagan, a self-described “Healer, Teacher,” and “Embodied Mermaid” who recently told her nearly 30,000 Instagram followers that exposing your butt to UV radiation is good, actually, because it is derived from an ancient Taoist practice that strengthens one’s organs, increases their creativity, regulates their circadian rhythm, and improves their libido, among many other positive results. Somehow, she apparently isn’t the first person to claim this habit is good for you, either.

We feel it is our duty to point out what may be rather obviousit’s not, in fact, derived from an ancient Taoist practice, and does not do any of these things.

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So, there you have it, reader. It’s Tuesday morning, and Josh Brolin’s butthole hurts because a wellness influencer told him to tan his taint like the Taoists do.

(via Slate)

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Andrew Paul

Andrew Paul's work is recently featured by Rolling Stone, GQ, The Forward, and The Believer, as well as McSweeney's Internet Tendency and TNY's Daily Shouts.