John Stamos, Guardians Of The Galaxy reference and also living actor person, has suddenly become a very busy man. Besides continuing to develop that Full House reboot we already told you about, Stamos has been hired to star in an upcoming midseason drama for ABC, as well as a comedy pilot that Fox recently won the rights to, in a bidding war against ABC. If you weren’t expecting to see the words “John Stamos” and “bidding war” together in 2014 in a non-vest-auction-related context, well, we weren’t expecting to write them, either.

The as-yet-unnamed single-camera comedy pilot, written by The Office’s Danny Chun and produced by The Neighbors creator Dan Fogelman, will star Stamos as a version of his own smiling, dead-eyed public persona: “a charismatic longtime bachelor whose life is upended when he discovers he’s a father—and a grandfather.” Then, presumably, someone dies, and they all have to move in with each other forever, because that’s how families work.

Advertisement

Stamos will also be starring in ABC’s midseason series Members Only, an upstairs/downstairs drama about an exclusive country club that kind of sounds like Downton Abbey, but with more golfing and drunken assholes. Stamos will play a nouveau riche hedge fund billionaire who’s married to series lead Natalie Zea.

Stamos will have to juggle these multiple roles with all his other duties, which include protecting the magical painting that ages in his place, and being the last living American who still cares about The Beach Boys. It’s enough to make a man say, “Have mercy.”