John Cena in The Marine

As reported by Variety, John Cena has been named the host of American Grit, a new reality show for Fox that is not—despite what you may think if you read the name too quickly—based on a line of expensive dolls. American Grit is actually a “military-inspired” show in which “16 of America’s toughest civilians” will “face a variety of military-grade and survival-themed challenges.” The show will also “embody” the military’s appreciation for the idea of “no man left behind,” so those tough civilians will be divided up into teams that have to work together to avoid being eliminated. The teams will also be mentored by a group known as “The Cadre,” which features members with clearly real names like Rorke Denver and Nick “The Reaper” Irving.

At the end of each episode, the toughest of the tough civilians will compete in “The Circus,” which is “an obstacle course so punishing and endurance-testing that it’s designed to break the weakest competitors.” Presumably, the idea behind all of this is simply that Fox wanted a patriotic version of American Ninja Warrior, and not that the network has decided to start recruiting super soldiers that can fight in whatever poorly planned wars President Trump intends to get us into. If that is what Fox is planning, though, this method seems incredibly inefficient. Maybe the show should just require everyone over the age of 18 to try out, and those who are deemed tough enough could win a pair of dog tags and a free trip to…somewhere in the Middle East?

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