Joel Schumacher is producing a three-episode Investigation Discovery series about hotel murders that of course is called Do Not Disturb: Hotel Horrors. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the true-crime show will focus on the 2010 murder of designer Sylvie Cachay at Manhattan’s Soho House, the killing of a priest by a male street hustler in New Orleans, and a murder at a London hotel chain. The cases will be explored in part through cinematic reenactments, the entertainment equivalent of gluten-free cookies. (They look familiar, but upon consuming them you can’t help but become confused, followed by an overwhelming sadness.)

Discussing the project, Schumacher said, “You think of these gruesome, grisly crimes [happening] in sleazy motels—not [to] young, attractive, trendy people at the Soho House. That added to the sensationalism and piqued people’s interest.” Indeed, trendy people often consider themselves above being murdered, and would surely realize their error were they to watch Investigation Discovery.

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Mark Marabella (Amish Haunting) is directing and executive producing the series. Although Schumacher is only producing, he apparently is still very involved in the production. “When you have no money and no time, [my job] would entail running out to a store in Williamsburg to get a black jacket for the actress to wear sitting at a desk,” says Schumacher. Why go all the way to Brooklyn if you’re shooting Soho House exteriors? Because at this point Schumacher is basically a desperate production assistant trying to avoid getting lunch for the crew. That notion should please everyone who derides Batman And Robin—so, everyone.