Jim Carrey delighted Ace Ventura: Pet Detective fans Tuesday night by reprising his beloved “I’m talking out of my ass” routine with a series of anti-vaccination tweets. Like his ex-girlfriend Jenny McCarthy, Carrey’s ass believes—despite an overwhelming scientific consensus to the contrary—that tiny amounts of a vaccine preservative called thimerosal can cause autism. And Carrey has made rectal declarations about vaccine safety before. But there was a special madcap craziness to this latest rant, an exposition of rising indignation, fear-mongering, and virtuoso ass-talking that had Carrey’s Twitter followers in stitches.
Carrey began by flapping his buttocks in the direction of California governor Jerry Brown, who signed a bill yesterday that eliminated California’s personal belief exemption for child vaccinations. The new law essentially requires almost all California public school students to get routine vaccinations. The term “corporate fascist” may seem like deranged invective, but remember to imagine the tweet in the voice of a grumpy fart monster, and then the humor emerges. “Manditory”! Jim Carrey’s ass, you are the living end.
In Ace Ventura, the hero’s ass continues to spew aggressive nonsense until he gets what he wants, and the character stayed true to form last night. After opening with the “fascist” gambit, Carrey’s haunches pressed the matter further, observing that some mercury is deadly, and therefore minuscule amounts of mercury cause autism. It’s like saying that you should never stand in direct sunlight because walking on the surface of the sun would kill you—and so would sitting on the sun! With your dumb, hilarious butt!
“Poop fart poop corruption,” the anus continued.
As Carrey’s ass shared World Wide Web hyperlinks about the (nonexistent) connection between thimerosal and autism, fans wiped the tears of laughter from their faces and pleaded with Carrey to return his side-splitting shtick to the medium where it belongs: the silver screen.
The butt then became comically aggravated, puckering and unpuckering with increased vigor. “I AM PRO-VACCINE/ANTI-NEUROTOXIN,” growled the asshole, insisting that respondents use proper terminology so that he could continue spreading his lies and cheeks. Ace Ventura 3: Vaccines Are A Conspiracy Between The CDC And Corporate Fascists So Please Watch This Documentary And Read This Literature Endorsed By Robert Kennedy Jr.—At Least, If You Care About Your Kids (working title) is in development; a release date is unknown.