Subway—the fast food sandwich chain that’s still legally allowed to call its sandwich casings “bread” in an overwhelming majority of countries—found itself in a new legal/PR quagmire this week, when a new lawsuit alleged that the “tuna” in its beloved tuna salad sandwiches, uh, wasn’t. Filed in Northern California, the complaint alleges that the “tuna” that oozes out of your delicious footlong tuna salad sandwich is, rather than that particular species of flavorful fish, a “mixture of various concoctions that do not constitute tuna, yet have been blended together by defendants to imitate the appearance of tuna,” and, more damningly, are alleged to be “not fish” according to comments made by the plaintiffs in the case to The Washington Post.
Subway has, of course, denied that the “various concoctions” in its sandwiches are anything except cooked tuna mixed with mayo, but, obviously, we’re already pretty firmly in “Let’s make the bastards deny it” territory here. Once someone’s raised the possibility that one of your delicious consumer slurries doesn’t contain what you say is in it—and the public at large is forced to really think about what might be in there—the battle for hearts, minds, and stomachs is pretty much already lost.
Subway does have at least one defender in its corner: Jessica Simpson, who—in a line that is not only funnier than pretty much every line of dialogue in any given Jessica Simpson movie, ever, but also anything that we, personally, have thought of in like a year—referenced her own infamous difficulties in tuna identification with a tweet of solidarity for the sandwich chain.