Time kills us all in the end—whether we mark its passage with the changing of the seasons, the lines growing slowly on a loved one’s face, or, as for most of us, by the stately transition from Jersey Shore into Jersey Shore: Family Vacation. Nothing gold can stay, as Robert Frost once wrote, presumably referring to The Situation going to jail last year because he didn’t pay taxes on years’ worth of extremely lucrative “show up and exist” club appearances. And now, a true institution finds itself similarly consigned to the dustbin of history, as Jersey Shore cast members Vinny and Pauly D announce that they will soon be forgoing the sacred space of the “smush room”—i.e., the MTV reality show’s infamous guest bedroom for fuckin’—in favor of the more rigid confines of an MTV reality dating show.
Specifically, the two bro-kings (listed occupations: DJ, keto guide) will star in a new series, Double Shot At Love With DJ Pauly D & Vinny, which will see 20 women vie for their romantic attentions, while the two also compete against each other to guzzle Cupid’s fabled double shot. We can only wish them the best in their romantic endeavors, both because life is fleeting and love is one of the few balms against the encroaching dark, and because “Jersey Shore-themed double wedding TV spectacular” has a decent chance at being the society-canceling killphrase for the entire human race, which would honestly be kind of nice at this point.