Cameo is a godsend. For a fee, celebrities ranging from Dick Van Dyke and Lindsay Lohan to Mark McGrath and Kato Kaelin will wish you a happy birthday, read you a Ninja Turtles coloring book, or insinuate you are a pedophile. This is a place where, for the small price of $50, you can make one of the architects of the Trump presidency talk about a child’s “poopies.” Well, the fun is only beginning, apparently, as Cameo is now expanding its offerings by offering Zoom calls with a handful of celebrities. That’s right, instead of sending shaky, mumbled messages from their cars, the celebs will personally subject themselves to your inane questions for 10 punishing minutes of everyone talking over each other.
It sounds miserable enough that we can’t really blame Jeremy Piven, the mercury-filled Entourage actor, for valuing that 10 minutes at an alarming rate of $15,000. Lance Bass is only charging $1,250, for fuck’s sake. Sean Astin’s only $600. And while $5,000 still seems high for Brett Favre, it’s not $15,000. Thinking it might be a typo, we reached out to Cameo and were told that, yes, that is absolutely Piven’s rate.
See the full list of celebrities available for Zooms here—Tony Hawk! Gilbert Gottfried! Jonathan Frakes!—but note that the price on the page is for a normal cameo, not a Zoom—you’ll need to click through to get that price.
Anyways, we’re sure the very rich have many questions for Mr. Piven, including, “Will you please say ‘Let’s hug it out, bitch’?” and “Will you say ‘Let’s hug it out, bitch’ but instead of ‘bitch’ say my wife’s name? Haha.”
Okay, maybe $15,000 isn’t enough.
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