Godzilla Vs. Megalon

At this point, Japan’s biggest exports are mostly pop culture and/or weird candy based, so why not appoint Godzilla as the ambassador who will represent the country on the international stage? Sure, diplomatic talks can often be delicate. But finesse isn’t as important when your ambassador stands at a towering 120 meters tall. North Korea wants to fire rockets into the Sea of Japan? Send Godzilla to smash their capital to pieces. The Russians are being coy about renewing the terms of a trade agreement? See what they say after the Kremlin tastes Godzilla’s atomic breath. China refuses to adopt international climate change regulations? Bet a Godzilla attack would straighten that whole thing out.

Wait. He’s what?

…It’s come to our attention that Godzilla’s ambassadorship is merely a symbolic role as a “tourism ambassador,” and does not come with any official diplomatic responsibilities. That’s unfortunate. It also doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, because wouldn’t advertising that a country is plagued by a giant monster that periodically rises from the sea to crush scores of innocent civilians make people want to be far away when it all goes down, not there on a tourist visa?

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Anyway, the ceremony officially recognizing Godzilla as a tourism ambassador of Japan—a title also held by Hello Kitty—was held in Tokyo’s Shinjuku district, an area that also recently became home to a Godzilla-themed hotel and movie theater. (Can “Godzilla’s I Stomp This Bar And Grill” be far behind?) The ceremony also declared Godzilla an official resident of Shinjuku, a district he has destroyed on three different occasions throughout his cinematic career. And although the ceremony was held last month, Shinjuku reportedly just made copies of Godzilla’s residency certificate available to the first 3,000 people to request proof of his citizenship, in case anyone wants to try to forge Japanese residency papers for any giant monsters they know.