Today, in “We’re definitely living in a simulation” news: Rapper Ray J is reportedly trying to get a meeting with Donald Trump, so that the two of them can talk, reality show star to reality show star, about maybe getting his old buddy Suge Knight out of jail. As the (ugh) Daily Mail points out in its initial report (and as we are now obligated to point out as well, because, really, c’mon), it’s hard not to notice that this is the exact same tactic that Ray J’s ex-girlfriend Kim Kardashian employed last year to push her own goals on prison reform, ultimately securing from Trump a release for a woman facing a life sentence on charges of cocaine trafficking. Of course, that’s a slightly different situation from pleading no contest to lethally driving your car into a no-longer-living human being (as Knight did in 2018), but still: Gotta try, right?
Unfortunately, it seems like Ray J’s efforts have so far not been terribly beneficial; per the Mail’s report, he’s been unable to secure a White House meeting, while the administration is pushing him to make a public campaign appearance with Trump instead. (A classic “You scratch my back, I’ll let your friend who’s been convicted on voluntary manslaughter out of jail” setup if we’ve ever heard one.) It’s sounding like a real quid pro quo situation, and also a “Really? Suge Knight? You sure?” situation, as the 54-year-old music mogul has only served one year of what’s supposed to be a 28-year sentence for the 2015 death of Heavyweight Records co-founder Terry Carter.
Reports that Ray J would also like to make a cameo in an Ocean’s movie, film a topless motorcycle music video with Kanye West, and film a highly publicized sex tape with rapper Ray J remain purely apocryphal as we go to press.