It’s 3 p.m.! Let The A.V. Club briefly make use of the waning hours of your productivity with some pop culture ephemera pulled from the depths of YouTube.

Recently the above video has been making the rounds, and it does not disappoint. This is not a video of a person claiming to have had a few in the limo on the way to the Avengers: Age Of Ultron premiere in 2015. This is not a person laughing off a misstep as merely “the alcohol talking.” This is an actively inebriated man attempting to trick you and failing miserably. “Hey, Marvel fans!” Chris Evans yells, his face betraying his total incomprehension as to who or what that mass of people might constitute. There are a few tell-tale signs of inebriation here, like when he tries to play off a backwards stumble while looking for Elizabeth Olsen, or when he pronounces “tap dancing” like it is a German phrase he has recently discovered and is using for the first time. But his most endearing and obviously drunk move is locking onto a simple and meaningless phrase—“I’m in,” “I’ll take it”—and repeating it a bunch of times, as if merely saying the non-phrase repeatedly would, together, construct a cogent response. The whole interview is real-time lorem ipsum.

It got us wondering: If Chris Evans was that drunk in that interview, how drunk must he have been in every other red-carpet interview from that night? The red carpet is just a short walk, after all; he must’ve been toasted the whole time.

It turns out that he was, in fact, very drunk the entire time.

During his Mashable interview he fails the basic sobriety test of being able to withstand a bright light. Note the way he phases in and out of thinking he’s nailing the answer, coasting on pure Chris Evans-ness as he models, with his hands, the wave-like structure(?) of fame.

The always-fawning Entertainment Tonight described the obviously very drunk Evans as “adorably coy” in their description of the above video, in which he responds to a question about his romantic life by wincing “Oh!” three times and then petting the microphone. He also appears to be slipping in and out of a Robert De Niro impression.

Some publication called “Ode” dubbed Evans’ above interview “bizarre,” which is certainly one way of describing a conversation with an obviously drunk man who is attempting to appear to not be drunk by laying into his consonants so hard he adopts a Cockney accent.

Here he just shoves Chris Hemsworth mid-interview. Drunk Chris Evans does not give a fuck.

Here he pretty much sticks the landing on a single question edited down to about 12 seconds. Not bad!

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Red carpet interviews must be hell for anyone but those weird Will Smith-type celebrities who appear to always be “on.” Who can blame Evans for trying to make it a little more bearable? It’s not as if he’s made showing up soused to press events a calling-card; this was clearly just a moment he thought he could pull off.

And it makes this incredibly cool look, from later in the evening, make a lot more sense:

Photo: Right: Barry Evans (Getty Images), Left: Jesse Grant (Getty Images)

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Extremely smooth choice, drunk Chris Evans. No one will know a thing.