Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Italys mayors arent fucking around when it comes to COVID-19
Photo: Alberto Pizzoli (Getty Images)

Italy has quickly become one of coronavirus’s focal points in international news, and unfortunately, not for very positive reasons. With thousands dead, hospitals overrun, supplies dwindling, and infrastructure ground to a halt, the country is perhaps comparatively the hardest hit of any region so far, and a model of what happens when proper steps aren’t quickly taken to get ahead of the curve. Reading and seeing the frontline dispatches is harrowing enough, so one would think it wouldn’t be too difficult for Italian citizens to understand the gravity of the situation and subsequently hunker down for the conceivable future.

Well, according to these fucking furious diatribes from various Italian mayors, their constituents are still willing to roll the dice when it comes to dog walks, jogging, hair appointments, and, um, outdoor ping pong.

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Yes. That is, in fact, an Italian mayor threatening to show up to high school graduation parties alongside police armed with goddamn flamethrowers to break up any mass social gatherings. Not long after, we’re treated to another politician screaming on Skype, “I’m gonna catch you. Tomorrow. Not in a year,” while gesticulating so wildly we’d think he was laying it on a bit thick, were this a Goodfellas knock-off and not, you know, real life.

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And, just so you know this isn’t limited to a couple beleaguered guys, here’s another example of an Italian mayor going full-Pesci on some voters.

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Okay, look, we sincerely didn’t know Italian people actually made that chin-scratch gesture anymore. It’s almost too distracting, until you then realize this mayor is making fun of people’s dogs’ prostates for the amount of time they’re outside walking them, which is genuinely just straight-up, solid roasting of his town’s stupidity.

Don’t worry, though, Italy. We Americans seem dead-set on being even stupider.

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Andrew Paul's work is recently featured by Rolling Stone, GQ, The Forward, and The Believer, as well as McSweeney's Internet Tendency and TNY's Daily Shouts.

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