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Iowa family's basement floods with 5 inches of blood and fat

Screenshot: The Shining (YouTube)

Sorry, dead whale being devoured by sea scavengers, we really thought you cinched up the title the year’s most metal headline. It seems, however, that you pale in comparison to the batshittery and thrash-worthiness of an Iowa family finding themselves shin-deep in a veritable pool of animal blood and viscera.

According to KTIV, the Lestinas sank into their gore pond accidentally as they readied their house to be put on the market. The nightmare is apparently due to improper disposal of cattle and hog remnants from a neighboring animal processing company called Dahl’s Meat Locker. “Shoving pig and cow carcasses down a floor drain” is metal enough in itself, but the unintended consequences of Dahl’s underground pipework connecting to the Lestina household took things to the next level.

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As KTIV reports, the Lestina family has lived next to Dahl’s for over a decade without metal-as-hell incidents, so keep in mind that no matter how unsuspecting, unassuming, or suburban you may believe your life to be, there’s always a chance it could quickly devolve into a Cannibal Corpse song title. 

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Andrew Paul

Andrew Paul's work is recently featured by Rolling Stone, GQ, The Forward, and The Believer, as well as McSweeney's Internet Tendency and TNY's Daily Shouts.