Just in case you, like us, only pay attention to news that involves Star Wars and people commenting on things from Game Of Thrones, you might be surprised to find out that two convicted murderers escaped from a prison in New York over a week ago and still haven’t been caught. Now, assuming you have a weird obsession with the true crime shows on the Investigation Discovery network, like us, you might be wondering how any of this is possible. “They usually catch these guy within an hour,” you might be saying. “Why aren’t the expert crime-solvers from The Mind Of A Murderer, Most Evil, Fear Thy Neighbor, I (Almost) Got Away With It, Southern Fried Homicide, or Sex Sent Me To The ER on this case? They could’ve wrapped this thing up before the How It’s Made marathon starts on the Science Channel.”
Well, Investigation Discovery has heard your cries, and—as reported by Deadline—it’s going to solve this case the only way it knows how: with a one-hour special called Prison Break: Killers On The Run. Isn’t America the best? Killers On The Run—we can’t call it Prison Break, because that’s already a thing—will air on Thursday, and Discovery Communications’ Henry Schleiff announced it with a message directed at the escapees—Richard Matt and David Sweat—themselves. “We encourage convicts Matt and Sweat to watch Prison Break: Killers On The Run and turn themselves in to authorities peacefully,” Schleiff said, adding, “As our documentary shows, the noose is tightening and you will be found.”
If ID is so sure that these two guys are going to be caught any moment now, that makes us wonder why it’s bothering to air this special at all. However, the answer to that mystery is actually the easiest one yet: Once the guys are caught, ID can air a Prison Break: Killers Captured special where it takes all the credit. Then, someday, even this prison break will simply be another episode of I Escaped From Prison And Then Investigation Discovery Captured Me.