Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

In which we are forced to contemplate Tom Steyer backing that azz up

Illustration for article titled In which we are forced to contemplate Tom Steyer backing that azz up
Photo: TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP (Getty Images)

As a consistent sixth- and seventh-place finisher in the ongoing Democratic primaries—with a reputation primarily built on being the billionaire in the race who seems like somewhat less of a dick than Mike Bloomberg—former hedge fund manager Tom Steyer has something of an image problem. Tom Steyer doesn’t have any delegates. Tom Steyer has low name recognition. But what Tom Steyer does have is an azz, and the capacity to back that thing up.

In case you somehow needed proof of that self-obvious assertion, look no further than the above video, an instant admission into the grand pantheon of Bad White People Dancing that will likely be remembered long after humanity itself no longer exists. (It’s kind of like those signs designed by nuclear scientists to try to stop future civilizations from digging into toxic waste dumps; this place is not a place of honor.)

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Per Rolling Stone, the video in question was shot at a South Carolina college this week, where the 62-year-old environmentalist/private equity enthusiast hired—who else?—rapper Juvenile to help the kids connect with Steyermania. The result was a genially-censored version of “Back That Azz Up,” and also a sort of Where’s Waldo of self-awareness, as your eye darts desperately around the video, racing to find someone, anyone, who realizes how funny it all is.

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Credit to Steyer: He is a dutiful and consistent dancer, gamely raising his arm when requested, and never dropping what is, we are forced to acknowledge, a beat, if not necessarily the beat. It’s hard, from the angle of the video, to determine precisely how much the candidate’s azz ended up backing up, but the spirit is certainly there, even if the flesh is not. Congratulations, Tom Steyer’s azz: You have exhibited at least some momentum and forward movement, which is honestly more than we can say about his other, non-azz parts.

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