Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

If you've longed to see a hatchet lodged in Mario's head, boy does Nintendo have a treat for you

Intellectual property either dies ignominiously or lives enough to see itself turned into a porn parody. Or, if you’re Mario, your lovable, kid-friendly reputation is sullied by the internet’s unnecessary reveal of his dick and nipples. Well, it doesn’t end there.

Finish the main story of Nintendo’s Super Mario Odyssey and you’ll be treated to a new outfit, one in which Mario’s eyeballs have turned a milky, uniform shade of white and his head split open with a goddamned axe. Christ, what Communist did he piss off?

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The sight of a dead Mario was enough to send several Nintendo fans over the edge, as Twitter’s become overwhelmed with expressions of dismay and questions of just what led to the brutal dismantling of their buoyant, ever-chipper childhood companion.

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At this rate, the next trip inside Luigi’s Mansion is gonna be rated a hard M.

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About the author

Randall Colburn

Randall Colburn is The A.V. Club's Internet Culture Editor. He lives in Chicago, occasionally writes plays, and was a talking head in Best Worst Movie, the documentary about Troll 2.