America's Got Talent

Answering the thus-far-rhetorical question, “Who could possibly get enough of America’s Got Talent?,” Howard Stern has announced his intention to step away from the show after the current season wraps. Stern made this statement, which in no way should be construed as indicating his waning interest in America’s biggest talent show, on his SiriusXM show. Rather, it can be understood as the radio personality having an abundance of money and a scarcity of time. As Stern says, “I’m way too fucking busy.”

Despite securing a judge’s seat that allows him to use Heidi Klum as a human shield to physically separate himself from Mel B and Howie Mandel, Stern has decided to keep generating obscene quantities of wealth through satellite radio instead. Thanks to said wealth, Stern doesn’t necessarily need to carve out time to watch people dance impressively, juggle gracefully, perform magic with aplomb, sing splendidly, shoot arrows stunningly, stunt ride BMX bikes with jaw-dropping skill, or perform dog ventriloquism.

Stern also proposed Simon Cowell as a replacement to take over his judge’s seat for the show’s upcoming 11th season. While NBC had no comment, probably because it doesn’t subscribe to SiriusXM, Cowell is an astute nomination. After all, Cowell did create the original British Got Talent as well as the stateside import, and there’s nobody better versed in the fine art of discovering talented performers, elevating them briefly to a national stage, and then mechanically separating them from any current or future monetary value.

[via Variety]