Moving us ever closer to The Phone Book (“An All-Star Cast Of Millions!”), Variety reports that a movie version of Eric Weber’s seduction manual How To Pick Up Girls has been added to the growing list of film adaptations of self-help guides and non-fiction compendiums. First published in 1970, How To Pick Up Girls offers men several fun, viable alternatives to rape—an approach Weber explictly suggests, yet doesn’t fully recommend in the book’s introduction—in order to fulfill every girl’s innate desire to “get you to caress and fondle their lovely behinds and soft warm breasts," which Weber elucidates in chapters such as “Women Get Horny.” In it, men learn that women get “very horny,” and that you should keep this in mind in wondering whether to bother talking to them.
How To Pick Up Girls was already made into a swingin’ ’70s movie of the same name with Desi Arnaz Jr., but as Weber tells Variety, “Plenty has changed since then, but just as much as stayed remarkably the same.” He hopes the new film will show some of those “fun,” more contemporary differences in approach, such as revising the book’s hilariously outdated recommendations to wear “bell bottoms and English boots and wide ties, or a groovy vest,” while, again, sticking to Weber’s proven technique of pretending to be curious about women’s interests instead of just raping them.
Other, actual advice from the book includes “talk dirty, because women love it;” following attractive women onto an elevator and then onto their floor, until she can’t help but be flattered by your strange, silent tenacity; and pretending to find common causes by picking up “fantastic broads in peace demonstrations”—all strategies Weber devised through interviews with actual women, who were eager to help bridge the gender gap by telling him how men could most quickly and efficiently get to fondle their behinds. Producers say the film will prove “equally universal” to today’s men and women—as seriously, broads will just be happy that someone is paying attention to them. Then you get to have sex.